i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
