I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
