Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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