38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
