I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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