Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just puked most of my soul out..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
