clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
