Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
