no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My pussy is not your playground.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
