Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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