Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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