question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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