I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
