"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
