Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
