i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
