I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
