I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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