The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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