the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
