I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
