She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
