if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
