I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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