Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
