It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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