my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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