It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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