I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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