you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
