you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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