FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
