He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
