I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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