i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
