Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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