Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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