Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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