Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
