After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
