Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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