she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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