If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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