Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize