just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
