If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
