You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
