Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
