I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
