Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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