the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
