I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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