Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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