yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
