My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
