Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
