Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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