I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
