four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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