she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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