if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
