Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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