I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
