I seem to have left my pride at pride
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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