I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
pray to the hookup gods
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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