Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize