So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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